Friday night, after (I am sure you all will agree, here) a hellacious week, I made my typical trek down the Garden State Parkway, with hoards of other weekenders, to get to my family down at the beach. Of course, after dinner we walked up to Kaboodles Ice Cream (best ice cream shop anywhere). We waited for nearly twenty minutes in a line that stretched well outside the front door, and as we finally made it though the front door, I spotted my worst fear: Blue Guy.

Blue Guy has served us before, and it has always been very frustrating. You see, Blue Guy is very slow, and very inefficient, and cannot multi-task. If you order a vanilla shake, a chocolate shake, a peanut butter in a cup, and a chocolate cone, he will first scoop the ice cream for the vanilla shake. Then he will put it in the blender, add milk, and make that shake. Then he will go scoop the ice cream for the chocolate shake, and proceed with making that one. Then he will…

You get the picture. So after you are waiting forever in line, that last person you want is Blue Guy. You want Meghan or Linda. Or you even want the old lady. They can all bang it out. But I am telling you right now, you don’t want Blue Guy.

As soon as we hit the door and I saw Blue Guy, I prayed. Loudly. My number two told me to chill, as the odds of me getting him three times in a row is like one in sixty four. I think. I told him we we were going to get Blue Guy; I just knew it. He said I was old and stressed, and I was talking too loud, and I was embarrassing him.

The line edged onwards. We got closer. And closer. And Blue Guy finished up with a customer, looked me in the eye, and said, “Can I help you sir?”

Freaking Blue Guy. So check it out. Brokerage firms and Algorithmic firms. Blue Guy is the opposite of HFT. It can stop it. It can freeze it, slow it down, beat it down, and kill its spirit. And I can, and will, code the Essence of Blue Guy. For you. You will get rich, so get a number ready in your heads for the Blue Guy Anti-HFT Buyside Algo. I can deliver it to you, and you will corner the market. But go high with that number, cuz Blue Guy is Gold. And I am due.