Guest Post: Things that Craig Cummings at Cantor is Thankful for, and umm… Not Thankful For!
Funny, funny stuff. One disclaimer: The thoughts of Craig’s are not congruous with those of Themis Trading, or any sane firm. Politically speaking he makes Ted Nugent look like Barney Frank.
He is mad. Crazy. Honest as the day is long, and a good man. Enjoy!
This is NOT your normal Thanksgiving wish. I want to share a few things … Things that Im NOT thankful for.
I’m NOT Thankful that:
- Sgt David J Luff was killed in Tikrit on Monday and our papers opted to not mention him but to put Bristol Palin on the front page. It’s a disgrace.
- The only way I can get any time to myself is to wake up at 3am and sit in the bathroom.
- My handicap card says “7” and I can’t break 90.
- Barrak Obama is President. While I believe he is a man with a good heart, he is dangerously naive and hopelessly unqualified.
- The new “ Republican” Regime in Washington seems hell bent on opposing everything Obama. They complained of gridlock and now they are going to cause more of it themselves
- Many of my friends are struggling to find work.
- They haven’t found the Saskwatch yet. ( They will )
- 90 out of 100 Americans can identify Oprah but only 10 can identify Supreme Court Justice Roberts.
- Zantac only comes in 150mg max.
- Miley Cyrus is now 18 so we have to start seeing shots of her “accidentally naked” as she struggles to stay in the limelight….. If not for Disney she’d have 4 kids by now and be stealing cartons of Marlboros from her job at Piggly Wiggly.
So that you don’t start calling me the Thanksgiving Grinch: I AM Thankful …
- That our military leaders recognize that there are evil people in the world. These leaders act as the adults in the room and make our country safe, despite constant media harassment.
- That I will see my whole family tomorrow.. .. because many wont.
- That Halle Berry was hitting on me like a drunken college girl at the Knicks game last night and Emmy Rossum is single again ( so youre saying I have a chance)
- My Kids are healthy and relatively happy.
- For some inexplicable reason, youre reading this…
I post a few rules on the door to all guests as they enter my house on Thanksgiving. You can print this out and do the same.
Attention All that Enter Here:
- Don’t ask questions you don’t want honest answers to.
- Take notice of the location of the door. Cause “drama” and you’ll be headed back through it before dinner is over.
- If I drank the wine you were saving at Christmas in 1997 and you were too much of a pansy to mention it then, I don’t want to hear it now
- If you don’t like the food there is pasta in the cupboard you can cook. Now, see rule 2.
- I am NOT afraid to swear in front of women.
- If you gulp the 1992 Howell Mountain Cabernet they might not find your body for a good long time.
- “YES, I am ” is the answer to “Is he seriously passed out in front of the TV from a food coma at 6:00 with football on and his belt undone?”
(MARY, STOP TRYING TO RIP THIS NOTE OFF THE DOOR. ITS CRAZY GLUED ON THERE )
Life is about managing expectations, my friends.